a hole in my heart

today i have a hole in my heart. a very special friend is dead. a friend who i’ve gotten to know over the past 3 1/2 years. he’s left a hole in my heart.

what have i learned from knowing this man?

  • he wanted to be free. he knew the life of drink wasn’t what he wanted but, when push came to shove, he couldn’t give it up. it took away the pain.
  • he wanted to be accepted. he loved when people took the time to talk with him. he would share his stories, would laugh, would tease, and he would smile. oh, i’m going to miss that smile!
  • he wanted to help. he was a hard worker in his better days. whenever there was a job to do, he was the first one to volunteer to help.
  • he believed that God’s Son, Jesus, died for him. he asked for forgiveness for his sins.
  • he wanted to die. he was dying. the drink was killing him. he had nothing left on earth to live for, so he wanted out. he had it planned out… but he never got that far.

the last time i saw him, he told me i wouldn’t see him again. it’s been three weeks, and he was right.

man, i’m gonna miss him.

and i must go on, being kind to someone else. giving them hope. loving them. respecting them. praying for them.

with tears… d


Published by: bcsmithereens

hello, my name is dawn and i have been married for 30 years. hubby and i have two grown children (25 and 22). our family has lived in smithers, bc canada since march 17, 2001. this is the longest I have ever lived in one house. I love GOD, plants and cats and my husband (not necessarily in that order) i am an mk (missionary’s kid). i graduated in kenya… a long time ago! i love cats and kittens! (we have four) i really enjoy reading, preferring fiction and biographical. i currently am a bookkeeper for a locally owned internet provider. i previously blogged at: bcsmithereens.blogspot.ca. at the time i was going through a very rough period in my life. since that time i have undergone what i can only explain as a “Spiritual Heart Transplant”. i have begun to share my story with the public and have found that to be strengthening as well. i would love for you to follow me along on my journey, make a comment, or two… or three so i can get to know you too. hopefully i can be a blessing to you. thank you for your time. d

Categories lifestyle, PurposeTags, , , , , , , , , , , 6 Comments

6 thoughts on “a hole in my heart”

  1. oh, Dawn… I’m so sorry. And I know you will “…go on, being kind to someone else. giving them hope. loving them. respecting them. praying for them.” because that is your gift and that is your calling and that is who you are. ❤

  2. This world is full of such sadness! Thankful, though, that this man’s hope was not in this world. Thankful, too, for people like you who don’t let the sadness defeat them.

    1. it’s a struggle to not feel defeated. prayers are appreciated! had one of his friends tell me today he was going to take his life now. those moments are so hard to handle. realizing I can only do so much is so daunting.

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