a hole in my heart

today i have a hole in my heart. a very special friend is dead. a friend who i’ve gotten to know over the past 3 1/2 years. he’s left a hole in my heart.

what have i learned from knowing this man?

  • he wanted to be free. he knew the life of drink wasn’t what he wanted but, when push came to shove, he couldn’t give it up. it took away the pain.
  • he wanted to be accepted. he loved when people took the time to talk with him. he would share his stories, would laugh, would tease, and he would smile. oh, i’m going to miss that smile!
  • he wanted to help. he was a hard worker in his better days. whenever there was a job to do, he was the first one to volunteer to help.
  • he believed that God’s Son, Jesus, died for him. he asked for forgiveness for his sins.
  • he wanted to die. he was dying. the drink was killing him. he had nothing left on earth to live for, so he wanted out. he had it planned out… but he never got that far.

the last time i saw him, he told me i wouldn’t see him again. it’s been three weeks, and he was right.

man, i’m gonna miss him.

and i must go on, being kind to someone else. giving them hope. loving them. respecting them. praying for them.

with tears… d

Published by: bcsmithereens

hello, my name is dawn and i have been married for 33 years. hubby and i have two grown children. our family has lived in smithers, bc canada since march 17, 2001. i love GOD, plants and cats and my husband (not necessarily in that order)... and my kids, their partners and our first grandson. i am an mk (missionary’s kid). i graduated in kenya… a long time ago! (1980) i love cats and kittens! we have two. Our oldest is a three year old Ragdoll who goes by the name Bailey. she has some Siamese tendencies, such as selective talking and a bit of her special temperament. she prefers the indoors, but does get pushed outside every-once in a while. being that she has one eye that is crossed (a condition called strabismus) means we have never seen her successfully catch a bunny, bat, bird, mole, or even a moth, fly, or mosquito. i have forgotten to mention that if bailey's water bowl has a piece of her food fall in, she will not drink from it. however, she thinks nothing of starting her meal without ... shall I correctly say... she thinks nothing of starting our meal without us taking our portions first, yogurt, cheese and sour cream are her preferred cuisine. she gets away without having any manners. she is definitely our cuddliest cat in all our years together, yet she can be quite the bully with our other cat. miss myu (pronounced Miss Mew) arrived when she was 6 weeks old, which was a few months before we got bailey. looking at her I believe she is a Siberian cat, without it being official. She is rarely indoors, unless it’s night time in the coldest nights of winter. She has brought us some of her hunted creatures to show off. she likes to lick my skin and most of the time prefers to have her own space. Thankfully both of these mid-long haired beauties only need to be groomed a couple of times a week. and we have gotten into being fish owners in the last couple of years. we have a 20 gallon tank with a monstrous plecosstomus (pleco), a mini mexican orange lobster (crayfish), two apple snails, a mystery snail, four beautifully coloured male guppies, two multi coloured mollies, three baby ember tetras, a loach and a large miniature freshwater clam. i really enjoy reading, preferring fiction and biographical. unfortunately my eyes and a drastically declining lack of concentration have kept me from it for a number of years since I have given up reading I have taken up rescuing orchids, which did wonderfully until we moved into our basement suite, so have finally settled on all things colourful! i currently am a bookkeeper for a few small businesses, where i now work remotely, from home. i previously blogged at: bcsmithereens.blogspot.ca. at the time i was going through a very rough period in my life. since that time i have undergone what i can only explain as a “Spiritual Heart Transplant”. i have begun to share my story with the public and have found that to be strengthening as well. i would love for you to follow me along on my journey, make a comment, or two… or three so i can get to know you too. hopefully i can be a blessing to you. thank you for your time. d

Categories lifestyle, PurposeTags, , , , , , , , , , , 6 Comments

6 thoughts on “a hole in my heart”

  1. oh, Dawn… I’m so sorry. And I know you will “…go on, being kind to someone else. giving them hope. loving them. respecting them. praying for them.” because that is your gift and that is your calling and that is who you are. ❤

  2. This world is full of such sadness! Thankful, though, that this man’s hope was not in this world. Thankful, too, for people like you who don’t let the sadness defeat them.

    1. it’s a struggle to not feel defeated. prayers are appreciated! had one of his friends tell me today he was going to take his life now. those moments are so hard to handle. realizing I can only do so much is so daunting.

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