it brings out the worst in me

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writhing, seething anger… that’s all i felt when i saw the fear, helplessness and hopelessness in her eyes. abuse… it brings out the worst in me. i wanted to see him go down. i wanted him to pay for treating her like that. for making her cower. for making her feel that it’s okay. i wanted to be the one to make him pay.

how could a young woman have to get approval to sit at a table by herself, so that she could have a bowl of soup? she actually hung her head in shame, as i questioned him whether or not she had to be “attached” to him at all times. until that point i hadn’t realized that he actually had her under his spell. it dawned on me that, when they left the building, he would make her pay for my questions. i had actually made things worse. 

concerned. confused. frustrated. helpless. if that’s how i felt, i can’t imagine what feelings she had in the early days of the verbal abuse. this late in the game, she just figures that’s the way he is. 

“he’ll walk down the block, cool off, and then come back… i don’t need your help. i’m okay.” those were her words to me.

all that could be done was to slip her a couple of business cards of where to call when she’s had enough of it… oh yeah, and pray. pray for her, that she would begin to see her own value as a human being.

he had the nerve to tell me that they were engaged. that it was a 50/50 relationship. i had the guts to tell him that he was wrong. that it was actually  suppose to be 100/100. he didn’t believe me.

he even said he wasn’t an abuser. he didn’t hit her. i begged to differ, as i had witnessed an incident previously… no he didn’t hit her then, but he pulled her. 

and what could be done? the police wouldn’t do anything… because she wouldn’t admit it. 

so, i stood there, i listened, i watched, i questioned, and i did the only other thing i could do that would make a difference – i prayed. oh how i prayed. and still – i pray.


Published by: bcsmithereens

hello, my name is dawn and i have been married for 33 years. hubby and i have two grown children. our family has lived in smithers, bc canada since march 17, 2001. i love GOD, plants and cats and my husband (not necessarily in that order)... and my kids, their partners and our first grandson. i am an mk (missionary’s kid). i graduated in kenya… a long time ago! (1980) i love cats and kittens! we have two. Our oldest is a three year old Ragdoll who goes by the name Bailey. she has some Siamese tendencies, such as selective talking and a bit of her special temperament. she prefers the indoors, but does get pushed outside every-once in a while. being that she has one eye that is crossed (a condition called strabismus) means we have never seen her successfully catch a bunny, bat, bird, mole, or even a moth, fly, or mosquito. i have forgotten to mention that if bailey's water bowl has a piece of her food fall in, she will not drink from it. however, she thinks nothing of starting her meal without ... shall I correctly say... she thinks nothing of starting our meal without us taking our portions first, yogurt, cheese and sour cream are her preferred cuisine. she gets away without having any manners. she is definitely our cuddliest cat in all our years together, yet she can be quite the bully with our other cat. miss myu (pronounced Miss Mew) arrived when she was 6 weeks old, which was a few months before we got bailey. looking at her I believe she is a Siberian cat, without it being official. She is rarely indoors, unless it’s night time in the coldest nights of winter. She has brought us some of her hunted creatures to show off. she likes to lick my skin and most of the time prefers to have her own space. Thankfully both of these mid-long haired beauties only need to be groomed a couple of times a week. and we have gotten into being fish owners in the last couple of years. we have a 20 gallon tank with a monstrous plecosstomus (pleco), a mini mexican orange lobster (crayfish), two apple snails, a mystery snail, four beautifully coloured male guppies, two multi coloured mollies, three baby ember tetras, a loach and a large miniature freshwater clam. i really enjoy reading, preferring fiction and biographical. unfortunately my eyes and a drastically declining lack of concentration have kept me from it for a number of years since I have given up reading I have taken up rescuing orchids, which did wonderfully until we moved into our basement suite, so have finally settled on all things colourful! i currently am a bookkeeper for a few small businesses, where i now work remotely, from home. i previously blogged at: at the time i was going through a very rough period in my life. since that time i have undergone what i can only explain as a “Spiritual Heart Transplant”. i have begun to share my story with the public and have found that to be strengthening as well. i would love for you to follow me along on my journey, make a comment, or two… or three so i can get to know you too. hopefully i can be a blessing to you. thank you for your time. d

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6 thoughts on “it brings out the worst in me”

  1. So heartbreaking. Praying God gives you wisdom as you deal with hurting, needy people on a daily basis. While you may have risen the ire in this man, you also indicated to him that his actions are not hidden from the world, and you indicated to her that there are other possible ways to live. Who knows where that may lead?

    1. thanks for responding though, S.O.S. yes “wow” says it all, doesn’t it? it’s amazing what happens in a community, that most people don’t see… either they are blind to it, or completely ignore it.

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